Saturday, July 5, 2008


Donna's fourth-grade classroom looked like many others I had seen in the past. Students sat in five rows of six desks. The teacher's desk was in the front and faced the students. The bulletin board featured student work. In most respects it appeared to be a typically traditional elementary classroom. Yet, something seemed different that day I entered it for the first time. There seemed to be an undercurrent of excitement.

Donna was a veteran small-town Michigan school teacher only two years away from retirement. In addition, she was a volunteer participant in a countywide development project I had organized and facilitated. The training focused on language arts ideas that would empower students to feel good about them and take charge of their lives. Donna's job was to attend training sessions and implement the concepts presented. My job was to make classroom visitations and encourage implementation.

I took an empty seat in the back and watched. All the students were working on a task, filling a sheet of notebook paper with thoughts and ideas. The ten-year-old student closest to me was filling her page with
"I can't kick the soccer ball pass second base."
"I can't do long division with more than three numbers."
"I can't get Debbie to like me."

Her page was half full and she showed no signs of letting up. She worked on with determination and persistence.
I walked down the row glancing at students' papers. Everyone was writing sentences, describing things they couldn't do.
"I can't do ten pushups."
"I can't hit over the left-field fence."
"I can't eat only one cookie."

By this time, the activity engaged my curiosity, so I decided to check with the teacher to see what was going on. As I approached her, I noticed that she too was busy writing. I felt it best not to interrupt.
"I can't get John's mother to come in for a teacher conference."
"I can't get my daughter to put gas in the car."
"I can't get Alan to use words instead of fists."

Thwarted in my efforts to determine why students and teacher were dwelling on the negative instead of the positive statements, I returned to my seat and continued my observations. Students wrote for ten minutes. Most filled their page. Some started another.
"Finish the one you're on and don't start a new one," were the instructions Donna used to signal the end of the activity. Students were then instructed to fold their papers in half and bring them to the front. When students reached the desk, they placed their statements into an empty shoe box.

When all of the student papers were collected, Donna added hers. She put the lid on the box, tucked it under her arm and headed out the door and down the hall. Students followed the teacher. I followed the students.
Halfway down the hall the procession stopped. Donna entered the custodian's room, rummaged around and came out with a shovel. Shovel in one hand, shoebox in the other, Donna marched the students out of the school to the farthest corner of the playground. There they began to dig.

They were going to bury their .The digging took over ten minutes because most of the fourth graders wanted a turn. When the hole approached three-foot deep, the digging ended. The box of "I Cant's" was placed at the bottom of the hole and quickly covered with dirt.
Thirty-one 10- and 11- years -olds stood around the freshly dug gravesite. Each had at least one page full of "I Cant's" in the shoebox, three-feet under. So did their teacher.

At this point Donna announced, "Boys and girls, please join hands and bow your heads." The students complied. They quickly formed a circle around the grave, creating a bond with their hands. They lowered their heads and waited. Donna delivered the eulogy.
"Friends, we gather today to honor the memory of . While he was with us on earth, he touched the lives of everyone, some more than others. His name, unfortunately, has been spoken in every public building - schools, city halls, and state capitols and yes, even The White House.

We have provided with a final resting place and headstone that contains his epitaph. He is survived by his brothers and sisters, "I can," "I will" and "I'm going to Right Away." They are not as well known as their famous relative and are certainly not as strong and powerful yet. Perhaps someday, with your help, they will make and even bigger mark on the world. May rest in peace and may everyone present pick up their lives and move forward in his absence. Amen."

As I listened to the eulogy I realized that these students would never forget this day. The activity was symbolic, a metaphor for life. It was a right-brain experience that would stick in the unconscious and conscious mind forever.
Writing "I Cant's," burying them and hearing the eulogy. That was a major effort on the part of this teacher. And she wasn't done yet. At the conclusion of the eulogy she turned the students around, marched them back into the classroom and held a wake.

They celebrated the passing of with cookies, popcorn and fruit juices. Donna cut out a tombstone from butcher paper. She wrote the words at the top and put RIP in the middle the date was added at the bottom, "3/28/80."

The paper tombstone hung in Donna's classroom for the remainder of the year. On those rare occasions when a student forgot and said, , Donna simply pointed to the RIP sign. The student then remembered that was dead and chose to rephrase the statement.

I wasn't one of Donna's students. She was one of mine. Yet that day I learned an enduring lesson from her.
Now, years later, whenever I hear the phrase, , I see images of that fourth-grade funeral. Like the students, I remember that is dead.

Author unknown

Today as I sit here typing this post, I have been tempted to say, "I Can't." I believe that God led me to this story.

I sometimes get tired of trying but know that I have to continue on. Sometimes when it get hard, I am tempted to say, "But Lord, it is so hard, I can't." Then He reminds me in a gentle way that "I can." He has told me often that I can do all thing through Christ who strengthed me. I know God does not lie. So, I accept that I can. He has not promised me easy roads to travel or every day to be a sunny one, but he has promised me that He would be with me and He will never forsake me. He has promised me strength to keep from falling, a way of escape in times of temptation and He has promised to love and forgive me when I do fail, if I only ask.

This has been a hard week for me. I started out with so many plans and I wanted to rush the progress that I was making. It turned out that this was not the week to achieve a big loss on the scale. I did remain the same, I want to be content and happy about that but I was not. I wanted to say, "I can't."

I believe that I will have a funeral of my own. When that word comes back to my vocabulary, I will remember that it is a word that is dead to me. So today, I know that I can, I will and I am on my way to another week of praying, watching, trying and with God's help overcoming. connie


Tori said...

Hey Connie,
It really is hard. My biggest thing when I was doing WW is I was just tired of trying, tired of food being my main focus.

You can Connie! Look how far you've come already! Your doing great!
Hey maintaining is a really hard thing and since you're maintaining you are succeeding.

Praise the Lord we can lean on Him when we think we can't!

Have a great weekend!!


Dear Tori, Thank you so much for those encouraging words. I know you are right. I am thankful that we CAN lean of Him. He is our shelter in the time of storm.

you have a great weekend also. see you at the finish line. connie

fearfully and wonderfully made said...

I maintained this week too!
We CAN and WILL continue though!
Thanks for sharing the story. I enjoyed it.


Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, I am so glad that you Maintained, I know that is a blessing, I was just not as thankful as I should have been. Starting thinking too much about self. We WILL and CAN make it. Have a very good week. connie

Pam--in Jerusalem said...

Praise God that we CAN do it through Christ! Keep on working towards your goal for the Lord's glory. What an amazing testimony that will be when you can show people what HE has accomplished in you. {{HUGS}}


Dear Pam, Thank you! I want my life to bring glory to God in all its aspects. We can do it through Christ, I am counting on that. Hope your days are happy and bright. connie
Ps.Thanks for the hug.

Susan said...

What a wonderful, encouraging story, and a GREAT life lesson!Yes, we can!! we can, we can, we can, but only through God. Maintaining is good. It's just our bodies way of adjusting itself and keeping itself healthy when we change our eating habits.I will be praying for you this week.


Dear Susan, I so appreciate your prayers and thank you for commenting and letting me know that you stopped by. Have a great day!!! connie

Lisa said...

I am so proud of you. Weight loss is a constant struggle for me but I intend on not letting it get the best of me. With the Lord's help I can do anything.Thanks for being there.Love in Christ.Lisa


Lisa, thank you so much for your encouragement. It is a real blessing for me especially at this time when I seem to be having a hard time staying focused on what I am trying to do in this area of my life. love in Christ to you, connie